“All the leaves are brown, and the sky is gray . . . “
Well our leaves are gone, not brown, and the sky is definitely gray, and most likely will be until April.
Sigh!
Holidays are tough for me. They have been since my teen years. I suspect I’m not alone in that statement. I don’t know what the classic dysfunctional family looks like exactly, but I suspect quite a few of us can give particulars which add up to the whole, and I’m sure my dis-ease during the holidays traces back to family.
To overcome this malaise and semi-depression, in the past, I’ve consumed copious amounts of alcohol. That is no longer an option for me, not for the past eleven years, so to compensate I either get real grumpy or I attempt to act like nothing at all is wrong, everything is wonderful, and by God we are going to have the greatest Christmas ever, with presents and decorations and forced gaiety.
It has only been in the past couple years that I’ve come to realize it’s okay to be depressed and out-of-sorts. I don’t have to act like I’m enjoying Christmas if I don’t want to. It’s not my responsibility to make sure everyone else around me is happy. I can just be me. I can own my feelings, deal with them the best I can, and keep marking off the days on the calendar until normalcy returns. And thank the gods I have a partner like Bev who allows that and totally understands that.
And I always have writing!
For me, writing is therapeutic. Writing allows me to escape. Writing gives me a release of the frustrations and sadness and yes, anger. Writing is now my drug of choice and I will forever be grateful for it.
So this year I’m not going to kick myself in the butt for not putting lights up outside; I’m not going to feel bad about not buying more gifts for people; and I’m not going to fake laughter or feign joy if it’s missing.
I’m just going to be me . . .
And write!
Happy Holidays to you all!
Bill
“Helping writers to spread their wings and fly.”
Billybuc
Artistry With Words 