A Jumbled, Blurry Mess

16 Oct

While someone else sees darkness and muted colors

It’s foggy this morning as I write this.

I like the fog.

It’s mysterious, is it not?  Sounds are a bit muted, which I also like.  Shapes are distorted, and I find that interesting as well.

It’s a fascinating phenomenon, really, especially if the fog is really thick.  The obvious suddenly doesn’t seem so obvious. A tree you have passed by literally thousands of times suddenly looks sinister. A mail box, from a distance, looks like a little child.  Our imaginations play tricks on our minds.  What we think we see we actually don’t see, and what we have always seen morphs into something never seen before.

Pretty incredible, really!

“Red is gray and yellow white, and we decide which is right . . . and which is an illusion.”

As a writer I see certain parallels with the fog.  Whenever I try to critique my own work, or do an in-depth edit of my own work, my view of that work is distorted by the fog caused by my closeness to that work.  My logic becomes shrouded.  My analytical skills suddenly lose their edge because, after all, we are talking about MY work, and I am attached to that work emotionally and, well, emotions have a way of muddling the whole affair, or so it seems to me.

What’s the old saying . . . a doctor who treats himself has a fool for a patient?  It’s like that, me thinks, when trying to critique oneself.  Objectivity goes right out the window and is hauled off with the weekly garbage.

Just random thoughts as the sun burns away the last of the morning fog.


I find it very hard to be objective regarding any of my work or accomplishments.  I tend to hold back praise of any sort.  I tend to be the harshest of taskmasters when judging something I have done or accomplished.  Whatever I have done is never going to meet the standards I have set.  Never!  According to a little voice in my head, I never should have published or posted any stories or novels, because none of them were “perfect.” I should still be editing them and trying to find the perfection I chase in vain.

Silly, right?

But at some point I just have to recognize my silliness, bite the proverbial bullet, and publish what I have done.  I have to accept that perfection is a fool’s quest, and I have to embrace the fact that I am a spiritual being having a human experience.

And I don’t have to like that fact.  Acceptance is the key for me, but being satisfied with acceptance is not always possible.

And I’m fine with that!

I’m a jumbled mess, and I’m fine with that as well.

Anyway, the fog has lifted, and it is time to head to the farm and take advantage of this unseasonably warm October we are having.

I wish you all peace of mind and heart this week.  You deserve it!


“Helping writers to spread their wings and fly.”



21 Responses to “A Jumbled, Blurry Mess”

  1. Janine Huldie October 16, 2018 at 2:02 pm #

    Truly wishing you a wonderful rest of the week now, as well. And it was on the warmer side here. But the rain came in late last night and felt more like fall this morning. But hoping for a bit more warmth before all is said and done. Happy Tuesday, my friend 🙂

    • Billybuc October 16, 2018 at 2:37 pm #

      Thank you Janine! We are having a record-breaking October for dry, sunny days….the weather just keeps getting stranger and stranger. 🙂 Happy Tuesday my friend.

  2. 1authorcygnetbrown October 16, 2018 at 10:36 pm #

    With the fog, there is also a distortion in sounds as if they are magnified.

    I agree. An author does have a distorted view of his or her own writing and that’s only natural. We see things the way we expect them to be, not how they actually are. We are either overly critical or we are overly optimistic on how good our work really is. I think we all tend to go to one extreme to the other.

    • Billybuc October 17, 2018 at 1:42 pm #

      Donna, I’m a man of extremes. Seems I always have been. 🙂 Thanks for your thoughts.

  3. Mike October 16, 2018 at 11:48 pm #

    Hi Bill – I know a writer whose work is exquisite, yet she does not recognize the talent. Writers are a funny group. I close my eyes and publish my perfect stories, then wait for the, “Did you mean…?” We all publish our imperfect work from our imperfect souls.

    The chill is trying to take hold here.

    • Billybuc October 17, 2018 at 1:43 pm #

      Thanks Mike…imperfect souls….yes indeed!

      Record heat here…is it really October?

  4. Sageleaf October 17, 2018 at 12:34 am #

    I’ve enjoyed your random thoughts, Big Bro. I think they’re just dandy. Our perceptions can change depending on the the “light” that is shed upon them. It makes me think the same about people. I have judged others because of a perception I had, but then I’m “taught my lesson” by life. I now try to reserve judgment, though it’s not always easy.
    As for writing stories, doing artwork, or anything creative. You know, I’m not so sure there is a “finished” version, there’s just the “satisfied enough to send this off for the world’s eyes to see” version. LOL. And the voices are always there. When they get loud, I like to go in my head to tell them to shut the hell up. Haha. Trying to be perfect will keep us from moving forward. It reminds me of a colleague I have to often insists on perfection (it drive me a little crazy) when I had to learn a long time ago that I’d never get anything done if it always had to be perfect. I just have to guard against, “not good enough” vs. “good enough” vs. “trying to be too perfect.” Haha.
    Sending hugs on this rainy evening. Hope the farm was fun today. 🙂

    • Billybuc October 17, 2018 at 1:45 pm #

      thanks Lil Sis…the farm was beautiful yesterday. We are in the midst of a record stretch of sunshine and warmth. The strangest October I can remember, t-shirt weather and brilliant sunshine. I love it because I know the rains are not far off and then winter gloom will settle over us.

      Hugs to you!

  5. Lawrence Hebb October 17, 2018 at 2:28 am #

    The fog is a challenge for me, what I thought was a motorbike turns out to be an old pickup with a busted light, and he’s on MY SIDE OF THE ROAD!!
    You’re right though about the self-critique, for me, it would be the opposite, I’d be oblivious to the mistakes, that’s why I try and at least use some of the tools around.
    Have a good rest of the week.

    • Billybuc October 17, 2018 at 1:46 pm #

      Lawrence, kudos to you for knowing yourself so well and knowing what needs to be done with your writing.

  6. manatita October 17, 2018 at 3:20 pm #

    This fog called life. (Chuckle) We are finding our way in the mist. Don’t know where I’m going. Ha ha. Who said that?

    Actually, Heidelberg was so sunny! Higher 20s and some kind of record I suppose. London was wet and is still wet, but great too! Stay well, my brother.

    • Billybuc October 18, 2018 at 1:38 pm #

      Manatita, stay safe on your travels. It amazes me that there are people like you who see so much of the world. I am slightly jealous.

  7. Dee October 17, 2018 at 4:28 pm #

    Have to say I really enjoyed your thoughts on the fog and writing. Very creative way to express yourself. Always teaching!

    • Billybuc October 17, 2018 at 4:46 pm #

      Thank you Dee! I’m sure you’ll find you are always teaching as well.

  8. Rodric Johnson October 17, 2018 at 6:44 pm #

    Bill, you are one of the best writers I have read. I am not trying to inflate your ego or ingratiate myself to you. It just is. I think I feel that way because I read so much of your writing I feel like we know each other. I do agree with what you say about objectivity regarding personal writing. We judge ourselves so harshly, I submit because we know what we want to convey with our work, so we see its flaws. I am the most extreme when it comes to my work. I edited my last book 17 times before sending it for publishing. I am so familiar with the book now, as I should be, that I don’t want to read it anymore. I read one of your Mailbags on HubPages where you mentioned the process you take to edit. I am trying it from now on. It makes so much sense.

    • Billybuc October 18, 2018 at 1:37 pm #

      Rodric, I am honored by your praise. Truly! Thank you so much. Oddly I struggle with my own writing. I just never meets my standards, but at least I have learned to publish and not worry about it. Best of luck with that new editing plan. That should free up some time for you.

  9. phoenix2327 October 18, 2018 at 4:40 pm #

    It is very difficult to be objective about our work. It’s our baby after all and sometimes we develop blind spots. It’s always a good idea to have someone whose opinion your trust to go over it and points out the weak spots. I guess it’s just part and parcel of being creative.

    I know what you mean about the fog. It’s curious how it can transform the mundane to the mysterious. One time my husband and I were driving along a country road at night and the fog was really thick. I asked him to stop so I could really get a sense of it. That lasted about 2 minutes. By then every horror movie I’d ever seen came flooding back to me and I told my husband to floor it and get us the hell out of here. lol Still I do like gazing at it and letting my mind wander. From inside my house behind a locked door, of course.

    • Billybuc October 19, 2018 at 1:44 pm #

      Zulma, you made me laugh out loud. Too funny….get us the hell out of here. Thanks for the laugh on this foggy morning. You made my day.

  10. Greg Boudonck October 18, 2018 at 5:59 pm #

    Man, you mean to tell me I will never get it perfect Bill?

    That just a dense fog on my brain… Lol.

    Have a great day sir.

    • Billybuc October 19, 2018 at 1:40 pm #

      Sorry, buddy, but perfection is a myth! lol Oh well, we muddle on as best we can.

      Thanks my friend!

  11. manatita October 23, 2018 at 10:43 pm #

    You can travel too, Bill. Tke Bev for a leisure trip. Lol. Come to London and I’ll ake you around.

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