Confidence and Chasing Away the Demons

30 Jul

A word or two about confidence and chasing the demons away.

I was reading a book by Lisa Messenger . . . “Daring and Disruptive” . . . and her opening line is this:  “To succeed in business . . . hell, to succeed in anything in life . . . you must have an unwavering, insatiable, tenacious belief in yourself.  You have to be able to back yourself, to harbor that kind of unbridled passion for winning that will stop at nothing until you reach your goals.”

Writers, pay attention to those words!

It is amazing to me how many people I know do not have confidence in themselves, and being a reflective sort of person, I often wonder why that is?  How often have those people been told they are not worthy of succeeding? How often have they been beaten down psychologically, with words or actions, and told in a variety of ways they are not good enough and they will never accomplish their goals?

When does that happen? During the childhood years?  As a teen?  As a young adult?  And who is it telling them these negative things?

Or is it a DNA thing? Are there some people who are simply born lacking confidence?  I suspect it might be a combination of the two.  Of course it got me thinking about myself and my life.  I was bullied in elementary school, but I would then go home to parents who told me I was good just the way I was, and hard work would accomplish great things.  So I fought through those early years at school, took my parents’ advice, and soldiered on. Today I am brimming with confidence.  I know I can accomplish what I set out to accomplish, as long as my goals are realistic.  I will never be a civil engineer or famous doctor, but those are not my goals. If, however, I choose to start up a new business, I have every confidence it will succeed.  If I choose to write another book, I am confident it will be of high quality.  If I decide I want to turn my backyard into an urban farming classroom, I know I can do it.

Thanks to my parents! An adopted kid could not ask for a better mother and father than I had.

How about you? How’s your confidence level?

You are good enough just the way you are! Believe it as much as I believe it.

Bill

“Helping writers to spread their wings and fly.”

25 Responses to “Confidence and Chasing Away the Demons”

  1. RasmaSandra July 30, 2019 at 4:45 pm #

    This was very thought-provoking and inspirational. Writing every day and seeing the results bring in some money makes me feel more confident every time. I find that I must have a positive attitude to begin each day, set my goals for each week, and be content at the end of the week to see all the good it has brought.

    • Billybuc July 30, 2019 at 4:46 pm #

      All good points, Rasma! Thanks for sharing, and I’m happy to hear you are experiencing some success. Thanks for following along.

  2. Janine Huldie July 30, 2019 at 5:38 pm #

    Bill, I love your pep talk of sorts here and agree that sometimes it is hard to always have the confidence in oneself and not sure when or how we learn to doubt ourselves. But definitely, need to remember more often to indeed be confident and to believe more in ourselves. So, thanks for the great reminder here today. Also, wishing you an awesome Tuesday now!! 🙂

    • Billybuc July 31, 2019 at 1:48 pm #

      Wishing you a brilliant Hump Day, Janine, and thank you always.

  3. marlenebertrand July 30, 2019 at 8:20 pm #

    I was bullied in school, too. And, my question about that is, why is it that the teachers never saw what was happening right in front of their eyes? And, why did no one ever stand up to help me? My escape was that I lived a military family lifestyle and just when things became overly unbearable, it was time to move and I couldn’t get my room packed fast enough. I was always the first one in the car, never wishing I didn’t have to leave. I was happy to be escaping that world of bullying. But, every school has a bully and sooner or later, being the new kid, the bullying would start right back up and then we’d move again, and again I would have relief. It was a vicious cycle. My parents were not as encouraging as yours. They would ask what I did to cause such bullying everywhere I went. I’m not even going to get into that…

    Anyway, the good thing they did teach me was that if I could read and comprehend, I could learn to do anything. I took that advice to heart. I feel like I can learn anything and have decent talent. But there are days when my confidence dwindles and those are the days when I am fortunate to have people like you in my life who offer encouragement for those times when my confidence level needs some boosting. Thanks so much, Bill, you are the best kind of friend – one who truly cares.

    • Billybuc July 31, 2019 at 1:40 pm #

      Marlene, thank you for sharing part of your story. I’ve always thought it would be extremely hard to be a military kid, always moving to new schools…and then not to receive support at home for what you were feeling….well,thank you for sharing that.

      Sending a big old hug your way

  4. Lawrence Hebb July 30, 2019 at 10:56 pm #

    Bill
    Knid of appropriate this came today, last night I started looking into doing something with the writing that’s well outside any comfort zone!
    When I was bullied at school all I got from Dad was, “Well hit them back!” and that’s what I learned to do.
    I suppose though it was the Army that taught me I really can cope with anything that gets thrown my way, I learned the mantra “nothing ventured, nothing gained”

    • Billybuc July 31, 2019 at 1:42 pm #

      Lawrence, I got the same advice from my dad. Only problem was there were too many of them, and they hit harder. lol Good luck with your new project.

  5. 1authorcygnetbrown July 30, 2019 at 11:08 pm #

    Good for you, Bill! I was just listening to a video today that talks about some of the same things you have been saying. I guess someone is trying to tell us something, right?

    • Billybuc July 31, 2019 at 1:43 pm #

      Must be, Donna! Question is, are we listening?

      • 1authorcygnetbrown July 31, 2019 at 5:18 pm #

        I hope so!

  6. Sageleaf July 31, 2019 at 1:20 am #

    I’d say my own confidence grows with greater familiarity with something. In groups, it’s not there until I’m familiar with people. I was bullied, too, and endured. I’m most confident when I feel like I’m at the top of my game. But it’s not always easy to maintain it when life knocks me down. But I do know this: on those days when I feel low, I tell myself that brighter days are ahead and to hang on for dear life. I seek out people or books or something that will bring me back from a confidence-busting day. 😊 Fun post as always, Big Bro. Hugs from Cackalack.

  7. ericdierker July 31, 2019 at 11:45 am #

    Bill this is great. So much to think about. Through school I defended other kids from bullies. I did not have to pick fights that way, I just got to fight. I wasn’t the best or the biggest but “you should have seen the other guy 😉
    I suffer from lack of confidence so bad that sometimes the only thing I have confidence in is that I don’t have confidence. Hey if you do not try you cannot fail. So I spend a lot of time not trying.
    And the strangest thing you got me thinking of is that I cannot remember the last time I failed at something. Close but not completely. And yet here I am teaching my children that the only failure is not trying. What a hypocrite.
    Well from the day we first met, you have been helping me spread my wings and fly. Constant encouragement, direction, example and done with love. Perhaps until I get confidence in myself I should have confidence in Bill’s judgment of me.

    • Billybuc July 31, 2019 at 1:44 pm #

      It’s a pretty good place to start, Eric, because I think you are one righteous dude!

  8. cecil kingsley hutchinson July 31, 2019 at 1:15 pm #

    Nice bit of supportive affirmation. We all need this. Hope you are well and stay well, God’s Grace.

    • Billybuc July 31, 2019 at 1:45 pm #

      I am well, Manatita,and I wish the same for you, my friend.

  9. phoenix2327 August 2, 2019 at 12:48 pm #

    I can pinpoint the moment my self-confidence was pulled out from under me. I was about 8 or 9 and trying on a new outfit. Pleased with my appearance, I said to my mother ‘I look really good.’ She hissed at me to never, ever say anything like that again. People would think I was conceited. Not wishing to incur her wrath, I did what I was told. I never said anything good about myself again. I didn’t even think it, because parents can read minds. This was before I realised that parents are just people, not omnipotent beings.

    It’s taken decades but I am slowly rebuilding it. I’ve learned there is no shame in taking pride in your accomplishments, that confidence is not conceit. With each story I write, with each photo I take, with each craft I complete, comes a glimmer of self-worth, the foundation of confidence.

    I’m glad you put in that little disclaimer about realistic goals. I wonder how many people lose their confidence because they failed to reach unrealistic goals set by others. Like a parent telling an athletic child they’ll be a sports star someday. Or a teacher telling a bright student they’ll be president one day. The adult may think they’re being encouraging without realising they could be setting them up for major disappointments later on.

    Maybe, I’m overthinking this. I’ll let you get back to your day.

    • Billybuc August 2, 2019 at 1:45 pm #

      Zulma, I don’t think you are overthinking this at all. It has always been one of my pet peeves, as a teacher…parents who say “you can be anything you want to be” to their children. No they can’t be! Some will simply be mediocre…some will be garbage collectors…some will work as bookkeepers….and it’s all right!

      Thank you for sharing that story about your grandmother. It’s amazing the harm adults do without really even knowing it. I have similar stories…similar scars…but look at us! We made it!

      • phoenix2327 August 2, 2019 at 1:59 pm #

        Maybe what the parents really mean is ‘you can be anything I want you to be.’ I don’t know of many people who proudly brag about their child being the best garbage collector in the county or the how well they keep those books balanced. lol

        I won’t lie and say I didn’t have big dreams for my kids. I just never shared it with them because I didn’t want to unduly influence them. They’re all gainfully employed and they are well-liked by their peers and employers. Are these their dream jobs? I don’t think so. I know they could do better, but it’s not my life to live. And who knows? In 5 years time, maybe the will fulfil the dreams I have for them. And if they don’t, so what. As long as their happy, I’ll keep cheering them on.

      • Billybuc August 2, 2019 at 2:01 pm #

        Zulma, you and I share the same philosophy of parenting. It’s their life, not mine…their expectations and goals and dreams…not mine. It’s a full-time job just me taking care of me. 🙂 Have a great weekend, my friend.

  10. Andrea Stephenson August 3, 2019 at 4:00 pm #

    I’ve struggled with confidence for various reasons, but I’ve also always been quite ambitious to make something of my life – who knows the myriad reasons why some feel like that and others give up. I do have confidence in my writing, and hope that I’ll fulfil the dreams I have for it 🙂

  11. Billybuc August 4, 2019 at 2:46 pm #

    Thank you Andrea! To struggle with confidence and yet soldier on is a big accomplishment. A job well done, you!

  12. nightlake October 2, 2019 at 1:52 am #

    It is kind of difficult to be confident about yourself when you are a poet/short story writer and get rejection mails most of the time. However, it is important to believe in yourself so that you can get along with it. I read this post at the right time. Very inspiring. Thanks for this and also thank you for following my blog.

    • Billybuc October 2, 2019 at 1:33 pm #

      Nightlake it is difficult, for sure, but I believe in writers and I believe in you. Don’t quit before the miracle happens.

      • nightlake October 3, 2019 at 4:54 am #

        Sure, I would not. Thank you:)

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