My Problem, My Life, and Much More

17 Dec


Thanks to all of you who passed on kind words and love following the death of my best friend.  I am fine, truly, sad but fine.  I had time to prepare for this. I was able to visit Frank and say goodbye in person.  So today I am filled with sweet melancholy, and I am celebrating a beautiful friendship of fifty-seven years. What a gift he was for me!

What a gift you all are.  It is still amazing to me that I have caring, loving friends from around the world, friends I have met, many I have not met, all connected to me through writing, but also connected to me through our common humanness.  Quite remarkable!


I will be announcing a January special for my writing coach services.  If you have ever wanted your own, private, one-on-one writing coach, a great opportunity is heading your way. Stay tuned!


Do you want to know what my problem is?

Well, one of my problems . . .

There is too much I want to do, and I fear not enough time to do it all.

I really, really want to start a podcast.

I really, really want to finish my memoir, then write another Shadow book, then write a retro 60’s book, then re-write the 12/59 Shuttle, then write the sequel to that novel, then . . .

And I have another blog I want to start, and then there’s this whole social-consciousness thing, where I feel I should get out in society and make a difference for some cause.

I’m exhausted just thinking about it all, and frustrated to the max.

Welcome to my life!

In truth, this is nothing new for me. I’ve always felt like I don’t do enough, that I fall short of my potential, and that I should be arrested for wasting time.  I’ve always had an aversion to just sitting and doing nothing during the day.  I’m like a shark. I must keep moving in order to survive and yes, you can toss in my addictive, compulsive tendencies and, well, that’s where I find myself today as Christmas rapidly approaches.


I was watching, for like the 10th time,  a TedTalks program featuring writer Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of the bestseller “Eat, Pray, Love,” or I may have those three words in the title mixed up.  Obviously I’ve never read it, but it did spend a ridiculous amount of time on the NY Times Bestseller list in 2006 and 2007.  Anyway, during this TedTalk, Gilbert talks about the fame of that book, and how some people have asked her if she’s worried that the best is now behind her, if at forty she reached the pinnacle and it would all be downhill from there.  Should she keep writing, knowing she will never again reach that kind of success, or should she, like Harper Lee, just quit while she’s on top?

Gilbert’s response was two words:  writers write!

That’s what we do . . . we write!  If there is a passion for writing, it makes no difference whether fame is found, or whether the best is behind you . . . writers write!



No talent there . . . or is there?

I look back now and I’m blown away.  I beat some rather considerable odds.  Lady Luck has been in the passenger seat of my vehicle for the entire trip.  As I navigated through a blizzard of rather questionable decisions, I still managed to get a couple of them absolutely right at the absolute perfect time, and maybe that wasn’t luck at all.

I’m a big believer in the Butterfly Effect.  You know, a butterfly flaps its wings in Brazil and two months later a blizzard occurs in Sioux Falls, that sort of thing.  I extend it to cause and effect within an individual as well.  I fart when I’m ten and thirty-two years later I sign divorce papers, that sort of thing, nothing occurs in a vacuum, it is all related and it is all crucial as our life’s mural is painted.  What I did at ten directly affected what I did at twenty, at thirty, at forty, and still today, at seventy-one. It can all be traced, gone over with a magnifying glass, seen for what it was and what it would become, connective tissues holding the host together.

It would be incredible if we could see the entire chess board as we lived our lives, like looking down from a thousand feet, perfect vision from above, able to see what each action will lead to, and what that will lead to, and that . . . but what I’m suggesting would literally require an extra-sense, or an intellect so well-tuned as to represent the equivalent of perfect pitch in music.  The best we can hope for . . . the absolute best . . . is that we are aware and that we eventually understand our role in the greater picture.

Most of us have pretty good hindsight.  It’s our foresight that sucks, but for years I chastised myself for not seeing it all approaching, for not preparing for it, for not being aware, and for not making better choices, when in fact I was just doing what humans do.


Have a great week!


“Helping writers to spread their wings and fly.”

20 Responses to “My Problem, My Life, and Much More”

  1. Janine Huldie December 17, 2019 at 3:12 pm #

    Aw, Bill so much good stuff here overall. Once again, I am so sorry about the loss of your dear friend. But sounds like heading into 2019, you have a lot on your plate. But all good stuff. for that, I am thankful and only wishing you the best yet to come. Hugs and Happy Tuesday now 😉

    • Billybuc December 17, 2019 at 5:47 pm #

      Thank you always, Janine…all is well in my life. I choose to be happy and that makes all the difference in life.

  2. Lori Colbo December 17, 2019 at 4:10 pm #

    Bill, you not only extend a lot of wisdom and knowledge with hundreds of people, you also love, encourage, support and inspire. We all love you and are grateful to have you in our lives. God bless you this Christmas and throughout 2020.

    • Billybuc December 17, 2019 at 5:46 pm #

      You are very kind, Lori, and I thank you. Merry Christmas to you and love always.

  3. RasmaSandra December 17, 2019 at 5:11 pm #

    So sorry for your loss. Losing a dear friend is one of the hardest things we have to face in life. But being such good friends you know he will be with you in spirit at Christmas and always. Virtual hugs.

    • Billybuc December 17, 2019 at 5:45 pm #

      Thank you Rasm! It is all good. I was able to enjoy him for fifty-seven years. Not a bad run at all.

  4. Shauna L Bowling December 17, 2019 at 5:21 pm #

    My goodness, Bill! I’m exhausted just reading about everything you want to accomplish! Then again, without goals, wishes are simply dust in the wind.

    I love this excerpt. Hindsight versus foresight. If you think about it, life would be pretty dull if we could foresee every moment ahead of the last. Yeah, we make mistakes, but we learn from them and move forward by making better choices. Life is a learning curve and I think that’s the way it was intended all along.

    Merry Christmas to you and Bev. I hope she’s feeling better.


    • Billybuc December 17, 2019 at 5:44 pm #

      Thank you, Sha, and yes,, Bev is feeling better. Thank you so much for the Christmas card. That was very kind of you, and Merry Christmas to you and your son.


      • Nikki Khan December 17, 2019 at 11:08 pm #

        Bill, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Fifty-seven years are so terrific to have fun with your bestie, and I am sure you did. I hope your friend would be splashing the heavens wine now.
        Lots to do and time is limited. I wish you to finish all of your tasks in term, and relieve tension to scrutinize the depth of the ocean.
        The idea of a writing coach appears to be quite intriguing. Would look forward to it in 2020.
        Have a good festive Christmas 🎄and happy new year with your family, Bill.
        Stay rosy and cosy, my friend.

  5. divalounger December 17, 2019 at 6:50 pm #

    You leave me with so much to think about Bill–first, I am sorry for your loss–I don’t know if we are ever really prepared for death when it happens. I too am feeling that there are so many things to do and so little time–so I think I need to just get busy with it–

    • Billybuc December 18, 2019 at 2:40 pm #

      Audrey, you just have too much talent to stay inactive for too long. The world needs your talents, my friend. Thank you!

  6. manatita December 17, 2019 at 7:21 pm #

    You are scaring me, bro, as I feel so much like you! Plenty to do and little time. Well, we do what we can, don’t we?
    Another brilliant piece from the novel. A touching read! You are highly likely to get there, Master’s Grace.
    One of my two teen friends passed in Queens at 55. 12 years ago. The other is still there in NY and a real gem.
    More strength or fortitude to you at this time. Commiserations!

    • Billybuc December 18, 2019 at 2:39 pm #

      Thank you Manatita! I suspect you and I are very much alike,and I’m proud to have a brother like you. Love always!

  7. Billybuc December 18, 2019 at 2:38 pm #

    Nikki, thank you so much for caring. Rosy and cosy I shall be, thanks to your reminder. Life is good, my friend. Blessings always!

  8. Andrea Stephenson December 21, 2019 at 4:00 pm #

    I’m glad you got to share your life with such a good friend Bill and that you got to say goodbye in a meaningful way. It would be interesting if we knew how all the pieces would fall, and who would be important in our lives, but I can only assume that making all those mistakes is something we have to do for a reason!

    • Billybuc December 21, 2019 at 4:11 pm #

      I look at it the same way, Andrea. It was all worth it in the end, and honestly I wouldn’t change a thing. Today I’m happy and loved, and that’s all the really counts.

      Happy Holidays to you, and thank you!

  9. Wendy L. Macdonald December 23, 2019 at 2:50 pm #

    Amen, Bill. Writers write. Keep your pen in hand.
    Blessings for 2020 ~ Wendy Mac

    • Billybuc December 23, 2019 at 2:52 pm #

      Thank you Wendy, and blessings to you in 2020 and beyond.

  10. nightlake January 2, 2020 at 2:25 am #

    It is a big thing to find a selfless friend in today’s world and a bigger thing to stay in touch for 57 years. I am sorry for the loss of your best friend and hope he is in a better place now.

    You are so right about wanting to be arrested for not using your time (writing) effectively, I feel the same way too…Thankfully, there are no rules against wasting time:)

    Wish you a Happy and Productive New year.

    • Billybuc January 2, 2020 at 3:07 pm #

      Thank you for your kind words, Nightlake….I do believe my friend is in a better place, and I hope to join him one day…but I’m not ready yet. Much to do!

      Happy New Year to you!

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