Keeping Secrets

21 May

More naps these days

As I dive into this memoir thing, I’m coming to the realization that I knew very little about my adopted family.  Is that odd? I don’t know.  I can only recall a scant number of facts about their backgrounds, and after that I have to basically guess about it all.  It’s too bad, I guess, this gaping hole in my ancestral background, and I’m not sure who to blame for it.  We all love to blame, don’t we?  Should I blame my adopted parents for not telling me, or blame myself, heaven forbid, for not asking enough questions during my first twenty years?  I sure don’t want to blame myself although, truth be known, I’m comfortable doing so.

I’m in the process of building a fence in the backyard between us and our neighbors to the north. It’s been a long time coming, one of those chores that just seem to constantly fall down the to-do list.  This fence is eight feet tall rather than the customary six.  That was a purposeful decision, of course, as all are.  We have gone a good number of years with zero privacy back there, and a good number of years enduring the arguing young couple and their countless guests and loud parties.  I can’t do anything about the sound, but I sure can do something about the privacy.

And maybe those first two paragraphs are related.  Maybe my parents just wanted privacy and so did not share their past with their only son.

Finding the reasons for actions, or inactions, is important, don’t you think? It’s something I’m trying to do more of as I grow older and hopefully wiser.  It’s one of the reasons I’ve opened up so much about myself in my writings.  “Why keep secrets” is my mantra.  In truth, nobody can hurt me as much as I hurt myself in the past, so judging me will be like water off a duck’s back.  I might as well just open up and have at it, and perhaps a better understanding about me . . . and perhaps about you . . . will come from it.

There really is a great freedom which comes with growing older and not giving a shit any longer.  I wonder if my parents would have been more forthcoming if they had lived longer?

Knowing them, I doubt it!

Bill

“Helping writers to spread their wings and fly.”

It’s All About Me?

7 May

More naps these days

Writing one’s memoirs is an interesting exercise.

My first reaction is one of resistance. It all seems so self-serving, directly opposed to the humility I wish to convey and live by.

It all seems so silly, the concept that my life might be interesting enough for a full-length book. Who would ever find my life to be fascinating?

And yet I see the value in it and, as a writer, I understand that every memoir written is not only written about the author but also about every single person who reads it, because we are all so much the same.  We strive for individuality, from the make-up we use to the clothes we wear to the thousands of possessions we purchase over the years, and yet, at our core, we are the same.  Events which have happened to me are relatable to a great many people.  We all have suffered loss. We all have struggled.  We all have had great personal triumphs, all have loved, and all have similar fears.

So my story is, in many ways,  your story, and perhaps that is the greatest value of a memoir, to show others that they are not alone in this world, that they are not strange in their thoughts, and that they are not mistakes of creation.  We are all stumbling, bumbling, mistake-prone jumbles of emotion, and we are all, in our own way, miracles.

And so it continues!

Bill

A Fly-by Update

30 Apr

I’ve been quiet online for a couple weeks now.  Just too much to do to devote any time to blogs; I’m afraid this will be a short one as well, but I think it’s important that I take a moment to thank all of you who purchased my latest novel, “The Magician’s Shadow.”

In truth I have no idea how many have sold.  I doubt I will ever know because I don’t follow up on stuff like that.  It’s enough for me to know I have written a novel and that people have enjoyed it.  So thank you!

Someone suggested recently that I write my memoirs (thanks a lot, Zulma!).  Actually my wife Bev has suggested it for quite some time as well.  I fought it for awhile; discounted it as silly for another while; now I’m going to do it. Who knows, I might find some healing in the exercise.

The working title of that memoir:  “And the Blind Shall See.”

Anyway, just a quick howdy and thank you!  Have a brilliant week!

Bill

“Helping writers to spread their wings and fly.”

Making Connections With People Through Writing

9 Apr

One of our local television news reporters does a weekly special called “Eric’s Heroes.”  Each week he highlights a “normal” citizen who quietly does acts of goodwill in the community.  It’s a feel-good segment, one of the few things on the weekly news reports I look forward to.

Last week he did a segment about a young man who daily goes to Green Lake, sits down on a park bench, and holds up a sign which says: “I desire a conversation. Will you talk with me?”  He will sit there for about an hour each day, and invariably one or two complete strangers will stop and talk with the young man about life and all manner of things.

The young man, during the interview, explained that originally he began doing that because he suffers from clinical depression, and he wanted desperately to interact with people and not stay in his bedroom, tucked into the fetal position.  So he forces himself, each day, to walk to that park bench and interact with people.

It was a touching story.  It is a story I can relate to as a writer.

No, I don’t suffer from clinical depression, but I am painfully shy and introverted.  Conversations are difficult for me. Always have been and I suspect they always will be . . . so writing is my way of communicating with other people.  It is my way of reaching out and screaming “I’m alive and I need all of you!”  It is my release from a self-imposed prison.

More naps these days

I suspect I’m not alone.  I suspect many writers are like me.  Heck, I suspect many people who are not writers are like me.  For some of us, face-to-face conversation is like a trip to the dentist.  While most people seem to instinctively know how to carry on a casual conversation, I am lost in tall forest and dense undergrowth.  Social gatherings are like “death by a thousand paper cuts” for me.

So I write!  I reach out, with my words, and attempt to connect on some basic level with other human beings, in hopes of making a vital connection, in hopes of bridging the deep canyon I am always facing.

And so it goes!

If you would like to watch the aforementioned episode, follow this link.

Bill

“Helping writers to spread their wings and fly.”

A Little Self Promotion

2 Apr

More naps these days

A little self-promotion if you don’t mind . . .

The fifth novel in my Shadow series, The Magician’s Shadow, will be published in a week, give or take a day or two.  For those of you not aware of this series, I would categorize it as paranormal/action/thriller in genre.  I did not start out with a series in mind, but I took such a fancy to the main characters that I could not bear to say goodbye to them after the first novel, so here we are now, with #5 in the hopper.

I have no idea when I’ll start in on the sixth in the series. I have a different novel I want to write first, a reflection thriller about life in the 60’s.  I promised myself that novel would be the next I write, and I aim to keep that promise, so Eli, Liz, Striker, and the others from the Shadow series will just have to live their lives without my interference for a year.

I wish I was younger.  I started writing so late in life, and now the sun is setting and I doubt all the books inside of me will see the light of day.  Of course, all writers can say the same thing, right?  I’ve got a few good years left in me, so I’ll kick out as many books as possible and just be satisfied with what I accomplish.

So a short one this week.  I’ve got other things to do, so you’ll have to excuse me as I duck out of this blog and get busy elsewhere.  Have a great week doing what it is you do.  Whatever you do please, do it with love, passion, and compassion.  Life is just too short for hatred or complacency.

Bill

“Helping writers to spread their wings and fly.”

Laughing at Writer’s Block

19 Mar

Sixty-five degrees today.

I was thinking about writers’ block as I fed and watered the chickens today.  I was thinking about it as Maggie and I took our walk down the country lane, birds joyously declaring to anyone willing to listen that life is for the living, to be embraced, smothered with kisses, and held so dearly until that last exhale.  I was thinking about it as deer broke from the forest, saw us approaching, and darted back into the shade, now you see them, now you don’t, a magic act performed especially for us.

I was thinking about it as I began cleaning the back yard, the old muscles protesting, shaking off the winter rust, the first positive actions of Spring, capital “S,” thank you very much, protesting and yet rejoicing in the fact that there’s still some miles to go on this old body, and ain’t that the cat’s meow?

I was thinking about it as I looked at the countryside, six shades of green, emerald and Kelly, sage and absinthe, a touch of jade for good measure, nature’s paintbrush mixing and matching, always in search of the perfect hue, and again with the woods, browns never drab, coffee and dun, tawny and umber, such subtle differences by the Master Artist, should he exist.

And I thought about it at day’s end, a time for relaxation, for contemplation, a tally of the day, good acts and harmful, blessings and negativity, how did I score, what to improve, what to eradicate, and I thought about it as I reflected on lives gone, loved ones, lessons learned sitting at their feet, a continual classroom of love, free for the taking, the only requirement being to practice what was preached, do all things with love, never let a friend down, cherish the small and insignificant, all part of life, all to be valued.

My final thought, as I laid me down to sleep . . . how is writer’s block possible?

Wishing you peace and love, today and forever!

Bill

“Helping writers to spread their wings and fly.”

The Universal Joy of Literature

12 Mar

I remember way back to a time I was ten, eleven, in that neighborhood, at least.

My dad had a manual labor job for twenty years.  He left the house every morning by six, so I rarely saw him as he headed out to work.  For some reason though, one morning, I staggered into the kitchen at some ungodly hour and Dad was sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in front of him, and he was holding a Louis L’amour paperback.  It was an odd scene for me. I couldn’t remember ever seeing my dad read a book.  Dad had dropped out of high school as a sophomore, during the depths of the Great Depression, and never did return.  He signed up to fight in World War 2, got married in 1945, and started the next chapter of his life as breadwinner and family pillar.  To see him reading was inconsistent with everything I had seen before.

I mumbled “good morning, Dad,” and sat down at the table.  “Whatcha reading?”

“Just an old beat-up copy of a western, Bill.  I like to read in the mornings.  It’s a good way to start my day, take my mind off things, that kind of stuff.  I like the quiet of the early mornings, a good cup of coffee, and some entertainment before I head to work.  There’s never any time for reading once my day begins.”

I’ve never forgotten those words.  Even for a man like my father, a person who would never be labeled an intellectual, reading provided entertainment and gave him some peace of mind before his day began. I try to remember that when I write an article or a novel.  What I do matters. What all of us writers do matters.  We entertain.  We provide an escape from the mundane, and we provide an exit strategy from the worries of the day.

Don’t ever think what you are doing is not important. I don’t care if you write novels or you write blogs only, what you do matters.  In this day and age of instant sound bites, purported fake news, and unsupported hearsay, what we do is damned important.

Bill

“Helping writers to spread their wings and fly.”

Feel Me!

5 Mar

I was talking to my best friend yesterday.  Frank came up from Oregon for a visit, so he and I spent yesterday just hanging out and reminiscing, as old men have a habit of doing.

Frank has been my best friend since high school. We were college roommates.  We think alike, look alike, and act alike.  It’s a bit freaky, truth be told, but it’s also very cool, that kind of deep bond with another human being.

So we were talking about our childhoods, and we were marveling at just how normal our childhoods were. Our parents may not have been perfect, but by God they knew how to raise children.  There was dysfunction in our families, for sure, but our overriding memories of those years are good memories, and you better believe we are both very grateful.

I bring that up, on a writing site, because it is part of the marvel that is creative writing.  I have no dark memories from childhood. I was not molested, I did not suffer emotional abuse . . . there was nothing of the sort.   I played ball, I had friends, I goofed around, I got average grades, and I was loved.  Yes, I experienced darkness during my adult years, because of alcoholism, but the years prior to that were sunshine and chocolate chip cookies.

And yet I am able to find empathy for those who have suffered. I have found compassion for those who have led much harder lives than I have. I am able to understand what they feel, and my characters reflect that understanding.

I have never been in the military, but I have an understanding of the experience. I have never been in a truly violent situation, but I can imagine what it must be like.  I have never owned a gun, never will, but I write about them all the time and I’ve been told my writing is believable.

I guess, what I’m saying, is you do not have to experience that which you write about.  Human emotions are transferable for those who simply observe and are accepting.  Pain is pain is pain, no matter the source.  Elation is elation is elation, and loss is loss is loss.  I was watching an interview with an actress, and she was explaining how she is able to cry during some scenes and emit such believable angst. She said she simply remembers moments in her life which were especially traumatic, for her, and transfers those feelings into her acting. I can relate to that easily having held my dying father, a man I loved greatly, when I was twenty.

Tap into it all when you are writing. Somewhere you will find inspiration if you welcome it with open arms!

Bill

“Helping writers to spread their wings and fly.”

My Fascination with Human Beings

19 Feb

I am fascinated by human beings.

I love to people-watch. Being an introvert, I’m quite good at it. I have no problem sitting in a corner, in a social gathering, and just observing.  You might not even know I’m there, so unobtrusive I am, coffee in hand, kicked back and relaxed, watching the players of life act out their parts.

Some, who do not know me, think I am sitting in quiet judgment, but that is in no way the truth.  Who am I, with the life I’ve lived, and the mistakes I’ve made, to judge others?  No, I am simply soaking up the marvelous nuances of the human species.  I love to watch people in different scenarios and see how they adjust and handle it all. Why does one person handle a crisis so effortlessly while another freezes in fear and indecision?  Why do some show so much self-confidence while others shrink from any position of responsibility? Why are some so demonstrative with their feelings while others resemble the Sphinx?

I observe . . . take mental notes . . . practice conjecture . . . role-play with me in similar situations . . . wonder about what-ifs and what-nots.

What is the goal of it all?  I don’t know that I have one.  I’ve always been that way, since my youngest days, the face in the shadows, the quiet kid with the active mind, blink and you’d miss him, that sort of person. I do  not want attention;  I shrink from it as a matter of fact.  I am comfortable with solitude and I abhor small-talk.  I’m a meat and potatoes kind of guy, skip the appetizers, I can’t be bothered with the hi, how are you, what’s new, nice to see you sort of sugarcoated nonsense that passes for conversation in most social settings.  It’s just the way I am and I’m fine with it.

And perhaps it has all led to me being a writer, a profession which allows me to thrive as an introvert, an opportunity for me to converse about important issues without ever opening my mouth in public.

My old man used to tell me a man must demand respect, that it is not given freely but is earned. It seems to me that the act of “demanding” is not so much a vocal order as it is the way you act towards others.  If I treat you with respect I will receive the same in return.  If I treat you with love, love will flow back in my direction.  I can do both without being vocal or invasive or obnoxiously self-serving. I can quietly embrace my fellow man. I can try to understand him.  I can show that I care, and if I do those things respect will be earned.

I am fascinated by human beings.

I am a writer.

I observe and I chronicle that which I observe.

Life is good!

Bill

On Friendships

12 Feb

One of the common themes in all of my novels is friendship.  I’m not talking about acquaintances, or the casual friendships we all have, or the instant friendships on social media, but rather the “I would do anything for that person” friendships which are so rare in our lives.

How many such friendships do you have?  Not counting family I can count two.  It’s a small number, for sure, and I’m not sure what that says about a man who is now seventy years old and literally knows hundreds of people, but there you have it.

In “Resurrecting Tobias” it was the Three Amigos, Toby, Maria, and Pete.  In the “Shadow Series” it is the group of Eli, Liz, Lyle, and Striker.  They are inseparable, they would die for each other, and, well, that’s how I feel toward my two dear friends.

It is such an important part of being human, those deep connections where warts are shown, truth is mandatory, and small talk is for someone else.  The bond is so strong . . . thoughts are shared without being spoken . . . almost like a silent language is shared that no one else can hear. It is at the core of what it means to be human, a bond like no other, and if you experience it you don’t want to ever lose it.

Am I happy with just two?  An odd question, that one . . . I am thrilled by the two I have . . . I wish I had more. I have tried, at times, but for a variety of reasons they have not worked out. So I am satisfied for having two, and wishful for more.

Anyway, you’ll find it in most of my writings . . . certainly in my novels . . . friendship and love, the only two ingredients of life I absolutely must have to happily survive.

And I wish those for you, as well . . . happiness and love to you all!

Bill

“Helping writers to spread their wings and fly.”